What the hell happened???
I wake up and it’s 2023!
Looking back on 2022, it was a year full of excitement…and around here we spell excitement S-O-C-K-S! Last whenever-it-was, I received a package which contained these, and I’ve been wearing them with all manner of footwear both on and off the bike for like two weeks straight now:
In addition to being soft, warm and puffy, they’re also a conversation piece since they’re made partly from possum:
On a related note, I’m pleased to announce the government of New Zealand is now subsidizing this blog. Simply subscribe and you’ll receive one (1) dead Australian possum:
Stuff it, eat it, make a sock out of it, or if you’re really handy you can always figure out a way to turn it into a saddle bag.
Give your next wheelsucker something to ponder:
Anyway, the possum sockums couldn’t have been more timely, since not too long after I got them the temperature dropped into the single digits on the American Freedom Scale™:
Between the high-volume tires and the marsupials on my feet I was quite comfortable despite the cold–and cold it was! In fact, back in the old days, it used to be common to liken frigid weather to the mammary gland of a stereotypical woman practitioner of the occult, and if I were a less enlightened person I’d certainly be tempted to allude to that expression here:
But i won’t, because I’m liable to end up like this bear:
If you’re an animal lover and this picture alarms you, don’t worry. While I’m no wildlife expert, I’m fairly certain there aren’t any brown bears in New York. Granted, someone could have killed the bear elsewhere and dumped the body here, but it’s more likely that it’s a taxidermy bear that died many years ago–or else it’s just a human in a bear suit, in which case we can obviously file this mystery under “NBD.”
While some cyclists find the cold disheartening and fritter away the arctic days on the Zwift, I prefer to stay outside and savor the advantages of winter riding. For example, the trails are nice and firm:
Also, you don’t have to deal with your fellow cyclists. Most of them are inside Zwifting off, so it’s just you and the deer:
Best of all, you can pee wherever you want:
But like Luke burrowing into the tauntaun (I had to look up the name of the creature, I don’t know it offhand, I’m not a Star Wars Fred), the deeper I got into the holiday season the warmer it got. As the ice melted on Van Cortlandt Lake it created an eerie fog:
And with the trails softening like an adult film star with erectile dysfunction I stuck mostly to the roads:
With more people out and about I also relieved myself more discreetly:
If there are two things that bring profound joy to my life, it’s a ride on a fine bicycle, and the knowledge that I’m loved:
Though sometimes it takes some time in a smelly plastic box to remember that you’re loved:
And despite my personal prejudices, it also takes some time on a plastic bike to remember how fine they can be:
I also just received a holiday care package from Classic Cycle, so it’s going to get even finer.
Looking forward to spending 2023 on 23s…
…well, the warm days, anyway: