Hey, look at that, it’s a new Outside column! This one’s about how I helped out for like five minutes and can’t shut up about it:
The only thing I have a harder time getting over than technical trail obstacles is myself.
In other news, this video has been getting some local attention:
Basically, the person making the video confronts that guy from the movie Office Space who made the “Jump To Conclusions” mat, for the heinous crime of walking in the bike lane:
The world’s dumbest argument ensues, during which Office Space guy tackles a hapless bicyclist who happens to pass by during the altercation:
In a moment reminiscent of the “Big Nose” scene in “Life Of Brian” when, after two minutes of bickering, he punches the woman who hasn’t said a thing the entire time:
Anyway, as Office Space guy is flailing about in the street, we then see that he has a gun, which as a security guard he’s presumably licensed to carry, but which in New York City is the equivalent of wearing a MAGA hat or eating your pizza with a knife and fork–which is to say it instantly renders you a social pariah:
Ultimately, one comes away from all this with a profound sense that this inane fracas is a metaphor for the current state of American society, and that humanity is doomed as a species.
But while there’s no shortage of stupidity to go around in this video, I will say I was particularly disappointed that none of the local smuggies in the ensuing Twitter thread seemed to have any issue with the person who made the video cursing out someone for walking in the bike lane. I mean, listen to how the person who tweeted the video sets it up:
NYC rent-a-cop aimlessly walks into bike lane with his nose in his phone, gets cursed out, tries to act like he did nothing wrong, then tackles a passing cyclist and puts him in a headlock, exposing the concealed handgun under his jacket.
Seems to me there’s no reason to make fun of the person’s job. (Says the blogger making fun of the same person for looking like the guy from “Office Space.”) Also, the advocacy set has worked hard to tear down the myth of the “distracted pedestrian” and all the victim-blaming that comes with it, yet somehow it’s okay to curse out someone and then stick a phone in their face for simply walking in a bike lane–which, if it’s a parking-protected bike lane, is actually designed to be walked across since it runs between the parked cars and the sidewalk.
Generally speaking, I’m not a big fan of the bike lane confrontation video genre; even though the person making the video is usually “right,” confronting the kind of assholes who block bike lanes with cars and trucks is about as productive as trying to flush a whole roll of toilet paper, and yields pretty much the same result. But yelling at people for walking in the bike lane–yes, even if they’re looking at their phones, and even if they’re walking to cars–is like pounding on the door of an occupied bathroom and screaming HURRY UP!!!
Chill the fuck out, or find another stall.