What The Hell Am I Looking At Anyway?

Yesterday I mentioned I’m currently laying the groundwork for a new bicycle. While I refused to divulge what exactly that bike will be, a few of you made guesses, but I’m sorry to say you were all wrong. The bike I’m getting is in fact the Canyon This Freaking Thing:

Just kidding!

No, a reader recently reminded me of that Canyon thing, and you may recall it’s the bike with those crazy handlebars:

Which evokes either this optical illusion:

Or an old-timey biplane, depending on how hard you squint:

You’ve got to admire the engineers at Canyon, because until now there simply wasn’t an elegant way to get your handlebars higher…

Seen at Ben’s Cycle. Use that discount code!

Speaking of quill stems, most of you naturally assumed I was getting a Rivendell, which I’ll neither confirm or deny, even though it’s painfully obvious what the answer is. Specifically, one reader mentioned the Gus Boots Willsen, which looks like this:

If I were getting a Rivendell–which I’m not saying I am, mind you–I’d certainly be intrigued by this particular model. However, ultimately I’d most likely decide against it, since it does seem like it would overlap too much with the way I use my Jones. Instead I think what I could really use would be a deluxe version of the Ironic Orange Julius bike, only with gears:

In fact, now that I think about it, I even got those bars from Rivendell.

Anyway, the IOJB lives in Queens now (I’m there often and one should always have a velocipede-a-terre), and I’ve certainly got plenty of drop-bar road bikes, so a fast-yet-upright bike bike I could hop on and ride for three hours in a t-shirt and flip-flops seems like just the ticket…

…though that describes pretty much every Rivendell, so that doesn’t really narrow things down very much.

I guess you’ll just have to wait and see what I end up with. (I’m looking forward to finding out myself.)

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