Decisions, Decisions

I don’t know which to be more annoyed about; Ford’s new Emoji LED Jacket Of Shame, which I saw via BikeRadar:

Or Old Man Brunelle riding around New York City on a tandem:

In the Jacket’s favor you’ve got the fact that is the latest salvo in the motor vehicle’s ongoing effort to guarantee that anytime a driver hits you it’s 100% your fault. First they invented the concept of “jaywalking,” then they wanted you to paint yourself, and now it’s a fucking emoji jacket that probably flashes “LOL” when an F-150 driver runs you over because your frowny face threw him into a rage.

Though admittedly there is a sound basis for the whole painting yourself thing:

Nevertheless, check out this smug linguist who managed to leverage his worthless degree and tap into that sweet auto industry money:

That seems like awkward syntax for a linguist.

I wonder how much Ford paid him to help them “understand the desires and needs” of a cyclist:

The “desires and needs” of the cyclist boil down to one thing: DON’T RUN US OVER. How many emojis do you need to convey that? I’d have told them that for free.


Who are these fucking sellout cyclists who collaborated with Ford on this thing?!?

But the biggest problem of all is that the driver has to be looking at the road to see the emojis in the first place, which is wishful thinking at best.

Still, Brunelle is a strong contender. First off, there’s the whole “visiting New York City just to act like a dick” thing, and in that sense he’s basically a one-man Santacon on wheels:

I mean the guy’s never even lived here and he’s probably singlehandedly responsible for half the “Bikers don’t stop for pedestrians!” calls I get on my radio show.

Then there’s the fact that he dresses like a gigantic Fred all the time:

In fact he’s such a terminal Fred he wears road shoes with flat pedals:

Sure, maybe he changed the pedals, but that doesn’t excuse the patent leather tap shoes.

Also, it’s enough with the fucking skitching already:

Note door opening.

Even his Strava is mostly skitching:

What is the obsession with hanging onto faster vehicles? Bro, just get a motorcycle and be done with it already. He’s like a Remora of Douche:

Image via here

Oh, okay, fine. The jacket is way worse. But Lucas Brunelle wearing the jacket would be unfathomably horrific.

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