Not only is riding a bicycle often difficult and frustrating here in West Greenland, but it can also cost you your life:
As such, I think every cyclist goes through a period of believing everybody could be happy if they’d only get out of their cars and onto bicycles:
Every day as a cyclist, I witness gobsmacking displays of lawlessness, road rage, and distracted driving on our streets. But you know the scariest part? All it takes is a few minutes behind the wheel for me to be the one cursing under my breath, cutting corners, and putting others in danger. Cars and traffic just have a habit of bringing out our absolute worst tendencies as humans.
Bikes, on the other hand, bring out our best. Multiple studies have shown that bike commuting has large, measurable, positive impacts on mental and physical health. Seriously, try riding on two wheels as an adult and not smiling — I dare you.
Sadly, even though the observations above are true, I can no longer allow myself to believe any of it–and not only because you can absolutely ride hundreds of miles a week without cracking a smile. (It’s called “being a roadie.”) No, the reason I no longer believe it is because I need to stay sane, and in order to do so I have had to abandon anything resembling hope or optimism when it comes to people’s behavior. Yes, for a little while there even I believed maybe more and more people would start riding bicycles and we’d all be safe and happy one day, but the electric motor put an end to that, and over the years the early promise of bike lanes has just turned into this:
This is not to gainsay any of the sentiments conveyed in this opinion piece, all of which are quite valid. And I certainly don’t mean to disrespect the memory of the person whose death inspired the piece in the first place. All I’m saying is I intend to keep riding for as long as I am able, and in order to do I need to place all my faith entirely in the one person whose actions I can control–and that person is me, and even then my self-control is tenuous at best, which is why I own far too many bicycles and fail to curtail my sodium consumption. Most importantly, I also need to reconcile myself to the fact that most people will always opt for the easier form of transportation, whether that’s a car or an e-scooter or a robotic exoskeleton–and that the bicycle will always be an afterthought for pretty much everybody.
And yes, I realize it reflects poorly on me that I’ve become so apathetic and cynical. But what can I say? A decade ago I fought against this sense of hopelessness by going to community board meetings and arguing in favor of the new bike lane, whereas now I just tell myself, “Hey, at least you don’t live in Turkey:”
Sorry, I don’t think we’re supposed to call it Turkey anymore; I believe it’s now “Türkiye,” or maybe Torquay, though I think the latter may be where Fawlty Towers is located. Whatever the case, under no circumstances should you wear cycling tights there, because you could be removed from office by presidential decree:
Mehmet Fatih Çiçekli, governor of the northeastern province of Ardahan, was removed by a presidential decree dated July 17 after videos and photographs he shared of himself cycling sparked criticism on social media.
The decree gave no reason for his removal, although Turkish media widely linked it to the controversy over his cycling attire.
And yet he remains unbowed!
Çiçekli defended the outfit as standard cycling gear.
“The clothes I’m wearing are sports clothes. I do sports in sports clothes,” he said.
Asked what he planned to do after his removal, Çiçekli said, “I will keep pedaling.”
Did I say I was cynical and apathetic? Well, I take it back, because I got chills when I read that. This man is truly an inspiration to all the MAMILs of the world.
Fred, from this day forward, thy name is Mehmet Fatih Çiçekli.
And that’s not the only worrisome cycling news coming out of Turkey:
Here’s what happened:
A round-the-world cyclist broke her back in a freak accident as she tried to take a picture while on her friend’s shoulders.
Matilda Pine, from Norwich, set off on a two-year expedition on 4 April, and was in Turkey when she fell, fracturing her back in two places.
As we’ve already established, my sense of geography is informed entirely by British sitcoms, and I am only familiar with Norwich as the home of Alan Partridge:
In case you’re unfamiliar with Alan Partridge, he is a noted Tour de France commentator:
Anyway, fortunately it sounds like the rider will recover, and so I hope you won’t think me tactless when I ask…how the hell does anybody carve two whole years out of their life for a cycling trip? When you add that to the seven years of preparation (!) that’s longer than it takes to get a law degree:
Pine told BBC Radio Norfolk’s Chris Goreham she had been preparing for her trip for seven years, gearing up both physically and mentally.
And while you could certainly fail to attain that degree, it probably won’t be because you fell off your friend’s back:
“As I was climbing onto my friend’s shoulders and he went to stand up, I just flipped off backwards and landed on my back,” she said.
The accident happened in a remote field and she was left lying on the ground for two hours before her friend then helped her walk to a road where they picked up a taxi to a treatment centre.
It’s unfortunate Alan Partridge wasn’t there to rescue her:
And please understand I’m not trying to make light of the cyclist’s injury (well maybe a little), and I do wish her a speedy recovery, but I also refuse to temper my extreme anti-ultra endurance cycling agenda, and if I don’t speak out against it then nobody will.
Still, there are even sillier things than riding around the world, such as buying Albert Einstein’s bicycle saddle:
I realize I began this post with a dim view of humanity, but I am reassured by the fact that as of yet nobody has been dumb enough to buy this thing:
The bike saddle that once helped Einstein maintain that life balance hasn’t moved and remains available for purchase after an auction failed to generate bids during a Dominic Winter Auctioneers events here in May and in October. In the May auction, it was part of the Photographs, Posters & Postcards, Autographs, Documents & Ephemera offering, with a pre-auction estimate of 7,000-10,000 pounds ($9,396-$13,423).
“We would have sold it for 6,000 pounds if there had been any bidding at that level,” Chris Albury, senior auctioneer and valuer for Dominic Winter Auctioneers, told BRAIN in early June.
A month later, BRAIN followed with Albury, who said the auction house is still open to “sensible offers” before the saddle is offered in an auction next year.
“Sensible offer?” Any offer for this thing is inherently not sensible. Cycling isn’t even why Albert Einstein is famous! This is like buying Fausto Coppi’s slide rule. And yes, I know Albert Einstein rode a bicycle, and that he said this:
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving”
So what? It’s not even true! Ask any fixie rider:
Also, it’s not always good to keep moving in life, because that’s how you wind up in Turkey with a broken back.
Here’s more on the saddle:
The brown leather Nelson saddle dates from about 1929 and comes with original paperwork and an order form to the German bike manufacturer Ludwig Nelson Fahrradbau GmbH. The company was active in the 1920s and early 1930s and based in Berlin-Schöneberg and produced bikes, frames, and accessories. The order form was completed in pencil in Einstein’s handwriting from his Berlin address on March 26, 1929.
And here are some photos:
It even has the anatomical cutout to preserve Einstein’s taint:
Okay, fine, I could see spending $50 for it and throwing it on the Roaduno.
But that’s my final offer.