Well, the Mother of All Hyundai Sales Events is officially upon us!
That’s right, we’re turning 250 this weekend, and while this country may not be perfect, I’m still both grateful and proud to call it home on this, our semisasquatchennial:
That’s because for all our problems we have something the rest of the world doesn’t have–and I bet you can guess what I’m talking about:
[Mel Gibson as General George Washington leading the charge against the hated British.]
Though if that’s what you guessed you’d be wrong, because I’m not talking about freedom. Anyway, as long as it’s illegal to write a check for 99 cents or less we’ll never be free:
[Beware fellow cheapskates: if someone asks you to write a check for less than a dollar they’re probably a Fed.]
No, I’m talking about air conditioning:
Yes, Europe is experiencing record temperatures, but apparently smugness has no known melting point:
See, you wouldn’t want your country to turn into America where people are comfortable–sure, a little portly maybe, but comfortable:
“The goal isn’t to be like some Italian, Brazilian, or American cities where you have entire rows, entire walls of convectors outside buildings that make an unbearable racket, releasing heat and toxic fumes,” Pulvar said.
Look, I’ll be the first to admit we overdo it sometimes, whether it’s air conditioning or guns or chocolate sauce or credit card debt or, well, pretty much everything. And yes, it’s a little crazy when you walk past a store, the door is open, and you need to put on a parka just to walk past it. But the idea that America is nothing more than a roaring cacophony of air conditioners is as absurd as the notion that everyone in Canada is a maple syrup-guzzling Mountie or the average Frenchman wears a striped shirt and a beret and eats snails and frog legs for every meal. Okay, fine, New York is lined with entire rows of machines that make an unbearable racket and release heat and toxic fumes, but those are called “cars.” As for the air conditioning, I can assure you it’s rather pleasant, and I’d say putting a small metal box in the window that hums a little bit is better for everyone than sleeping on the fire escape:
And yes, I get being leery of American excess, but if you’re not going to use cooling technology for public health you might as well do away with refrigeration altogether.
It just seems like a step backwards to me, that’s all. I mean the French used to have refrigeration savants!
The principles of commercial refrigeration are studied by savants, like Prof. ARSONVAL of the College of France, who will read at the Cold Storage Congress papers on low temperatures and their general effects, physical, chemical, and biological, and on the dietetic value of chilled and frozen food materials. M. A. GAUTIER, President of the National Academy of Medicine, will discuss the causes and effect of changes in the condition of perishable products while in cold storage chambers; cold storage organization of warehouses and central markets; the victualing of besieged towns and troops in field campaign service. M. LEVASSEUR will outline the progress of trade in perishable produce since the adoption of refrigeration. The aim of the Congress will be to adopt the “most advanced methods and appliances which experience has thus far developed,” and thereby to extend the range and promote the efficiency of refrigeration as a factor in international commerce.
Civilization has advanced since the Huns who followed ATTILA preserved their meat by packing it under their saddles.
Now they’re sticking with the “no AC” thing like I’m sticking to rim brakes.
Speaking of old-timey affecations, yesterday I mentioned business cards, and not one…
…but two readers were kind enough to improve on the AI’s design:
This is yet more proof that computers will never replace the miracle that is human creativity…unless they used AI to make these, in which case it’s proof that AI is superior to humans in every way and we should just surrender already.
But sure, I realize I’m a man of contradictions, which is a pretentious way of saying I’m a total hypocrite. After all, here I am championing metal bikes with rim brakes while luxuriating in an air conditioned home and wantonly using AI:
Wow. The prompt there was “A bike blogger working on a computer next to a giant air conditioner with a Rivendell bicycle leaning against the wall.” In a few short months whatever AI this blog platform uses has gone from not being able to render a bicycle handlebar properly to uncannily accurate details like the towel under the air conditioner complete with mystery blob, which is a feature of 99% of New York City apartments:
Sorry, but that’s game, set, and match for humanity.
But while I may be a giant hypocrite, can you blame me? Air conditioning makes you comfortable, and AI is convenient, but constant “innovation” when it comes to bicycles only results in contraptions like this…though maybe it’s AI for all I know:
Either way, it’s about time someone invented a seatless chain-drive pennyfarthing, though in today’s safety-obsessed society it’s surprising that nobody in the video is wearing a helment:
I know people think I object to helmets, but that’s not true; what I really object to is the often bizarre logic behind helmet use. Why would you wear a helmet on a bicycle and not on this thing? I guess if a machine makes you look stupid enough people just give you a pass.
And it does look stupid, too. In fact the handlebar looks like something you’d use to open a walnut:
Anyway, I’ve always wondered what would happen if an ElliptiGO and a Brompton mated, and now that I know I wish I’d never seen it.
And with that, I will now attempt to survive the explosions people create in order to celebrate our country’s independence, but before I do here’s your Disconcertingly Suggestive Headline Of The Day:
Sounds like a party.
As always, thank you for your readership, and thank you for your support. Have a great holiday weekend, or if it’s not a holiday in your country, have a great regular weekend!
Love,
–Tan Tenovo
