The latest thing in gra- uh, broccoli bikes is of course full suspension:
And it recently occurred to me that I’m currently in possession of a full suspension broccoli bike, thanks to Classic Cycle:
Sure, when it was new it was considered a mountain bike–and a cutting-edge one at that–but by today’s standards it resides squarely in broccoli country.
It had been awhile since I last rode the ol’ AMP-ersand, but fall is the very best time of year for what in the pre-broccoli days we used to call “mountain biking,” so I hit the trailway and soft-tailed it to the forbidding Trails Behind The Mall:
There’s nothing more decadent than a mid-week ride, and I gleefully thumbed both my nose and my gears at my responsibilities:
Except for my responsibilities as the Classic Cycle Old Crap Test Pilot, that is:
As well as my additional responsibilities as a total Pearl Izumi whore empowered sex worker:
When Pearl Izumi sent me a whole entire graveling broccoli-ing outfit, they included their so-called “Expedition Shorts,” which–get this–are actually half shorts. (At least the ones they sent me are, though it looks like they also come in a bib version.) It’s been many a year since I’ve worn a regular half-short, and I’m not sure why they sent me these, though perhaps they noticed my hairy legs and figured I fit the demographic. I can’t say I love the lack of shoulder straps when I’m riding a bike with drop bars, but on the less rangy AMPer they feel just fine. I do really like the side pocket, which is considerably bigger than the one on the last broccoli outfit they sent me, and which I really appreciate because I recently got a much larger phone, and while it doesn’t fit in the pocket on the old shorts it does fit in these. So they’ve got that going for them, which is nice.
Oh, and I even wore the flat pedal shoes they sent me a few years ago:
I prefer regular sneakers most of the time, but these are a little bit better for so-called “mountain biking” on more aggressive pedals with pins.
All of this is to say I arrived at the Trails Behind The Mall looking like some kind of super-dork who teleported in from the 20th century and got his DNA scrambled with a mountain biker and a roadie–though the trails themselves were resplendent in their fall foliage:
And while it’s always surprising how comically tiny 26-inch wheels feel when you go back to them, the light and nimble AMPer is quite a fun bike on which to scAMPer:
Also, like the Y-Foil, I’m free to enjoy it despite its evil suspension because it’s old and obsolete and therefore no longer a threat to my ideals. Best of all, there was a time when to prove your smugness and your mettle on the trails you used to have to ride a singlespeed or at least a rigid bike, but now mountain bikers are so coddled simply riding a bike with 26-inch wheels and rim brakes is sufficient to make people think you’re punishing yourself needlessly. And speaking of rim brakes, if you’re old enough you probably remember your bike making a constant motorcycle sound at this time of year because leaves were always getting stuck in there:
This is the only real advantage to disc brakes, though I suppose the loud freehubs everyone uses now have made up for it. If there’s one thing cyclists can’t seem to tolerate, it’s silence.
Maybe this full suspension broccoli bike thing is going to catch on after all:
I’d put drop bars on it, but the front end is so low I’d break my back trying to reach them.