Being old and ornery I’m always ready to read a negative story about e-bikes and believe it immediately and without asking any questions, but in this case…I have questions:
I suppose my first question is…what?!?
Also…how? And, really? Like, this actually happened? The fire department had to cut the handlebar off the bike and it was still sticking out of the woman!?!
What the hell kind of crazy e-bike was this???
Are there a lot of people out there riding around on e-bikes with un-taped bullhorn handlebars or something?
It’s like the Running of the Bulls up there in Cape Cod.
Meanwhile, Trek has a new gravel e-bike, because apparently riding bikes on gravel is supposed to be really easy now:
The subtext here seems to be that couples can now ride together thanks to the motor:
And I’m sure they’re both happy now that they get to spend EVERY WAKING MOMENT TOGETHER:
Better still, they get to do so whilst being trapped in Trek’s ecosystem. There’s the Trek screen:
And the Trek luggage:
And the Trek water bottles:
And of course the Trek app:
Which tells you where to ride:
And how to ride:
And generally makes your life immeasurably better by removing anything resembling thought or effort from your cycling experience:
Best of all, when you invariably start bickering, an AI John Burke will appear and offer you unsolicited relationship advice:
He really does have an answer for everything:
It’s like the an episode of “Black Mirror,” only way more boring.
But perhaps you’d like more juice and fewer excuses. If so, Cannondale has the bike for you:
Say goodbye to Jesus-carrying and hello to weird vertical bike-humping!
And look, it’s another video with a man and a woman happily riding together!
Now you’ll have no more excuses for skipping that really fast ride on a dizzying precipice:
Speaking of adventure have you ever dreamed of seeing the inside of the Zéfal factory?
Of course you haven’t. Plus, the story contains no mention whatsoever of the fact that they no longer even make what was by far their best product, that being their legendary frame pump:
This is like Chris King no longer making headsets…though I suppose if people had kept buying the frame pumps then Zéfal would have kept making them. I guess between the ubiquity of CO2s and the misshapen bulbosity of today’s crabon frames there is no longer a place (literally and figuratively) for the trusty frame pump.
Yet they still make the toe clips, go figure:
I guess those Eroica rides keep up just enough of a demand.
And finally, could someone translate this from Desert Hipsterese to English please?
If you’ve ever pondered door knobs – why would you? – you understand Gestalt. The most aesthetically pleasing door knobs are often the ones made from simple, easy-to-interact-with shapes, in proportions that match design and functionality. They’re not easy to find. Not even the great Mies Van Der Rohe attempted to design one. Instead, he designed door handles.
SRAM’s Eagle 90 is the door handle equivalent of the bicycle component juxtaposition of a doorknob. It is the FSB 1267 lever handle of bicycle groupsets. Not because a genius like Mies designed it, but because, let’s be honest, the bar for MTB drivetrains has been set pretty damn low since the early aughts.
Thanks in advance.