Good morning! It’s Friday, and I’m pleased to present you all with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you’re right you’ll know, and if you’re wrong you’ll see crabs on fire.
Also, if you’re not feeling confident, you may answer the following question in essay form for extra credit:
So crabon apogolists always tout the material’s repairability. But is it really a selling point that there’s an entire industry based on fixing it? Cycling YouTube is now like 75% videos of people visiting huge carbon fiber bike repair operations and marveling at how you can pay a bunch of money to get your Canyon taped back together. Sure, steel cracks, and frame builders will fix it for you, but I’ve never heard of a dedicated steel frame repair facility.
Okay, fine I guess I just wrote the essay myself. But feel free to put your own spin on it.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and whatever you’re on, may it maintain its structural integrity.
I love you,
Tan Tenovo
1. This exciting new gravel bike is designed specifically for:
- Going uphill
- Going downhill
- “Maximum power transfer” on flat terrain
- Absorbing impacts from rear-end collisions
2. You definitely need a crabon bike because it’s the only material on Earth capable of standing up to your greatness and you’re like totally going to exceed the fatigue limit of titanium and steel with your massive wanker power.
*[My legal team have informed me there can only be one answer to this question and I could open myself up to liability if I implied steel and titanium bicycles were in any way safe to ride.]
3. To illustrate the safety margin of steel, Rivendell staffers once battled each other with:
- Bicycle rims
- Bicycle handlebars
- Bicycle forks
- Improvised weaponry fashioned from cloth bar tape, waxed canvas, and sharpened lugs affixed to the end of wooden dowels
4. The latest official New York City bicycle safety campaign slogan is:
- “Slow your roll, respect the stroll”
- “Stop at red lights, respect others’ rights”
- “Yield to all peds, they could wind up dead”
- “Stop riding on the sidewalk, douchebags”
5. Travel writer and cycling columnist Carlton Reid says he could no longer “face my conscience,” and so he stopped:
- Traveling by car
- Traveling by airplane
- Speaking English while abroad
- Referring travelers to Bangkok’s notorious Patpong Market red light district
6. New York City will invest $100 million on a new:
- Indoor velodrome
- Climate Center
- 1.5 mile protected bike lane in gentrified Brooklyn
- “Stop riding on the sidewalk, douchebags” multi-media PSA campaign
7. Which phrase sums up the cycling media best?
- “This old crap was ridiculous. But while you’re here, read this in-depth review of a downhill-specific gravel bike!”
- “This old suspension bike crap is laughably obsolete. But we’ve learned from our mistakes, and the latest suspension bike crap will never be obsolete.”
- “A lot of this silly old stuff is still actively marketed to riders, but it’s on gravel bikes now so it’s totally different.”
- All of the above
***Special “Clearly We Should All Just Be Riding These”-Themed Bonus Video!***
So are these guys on carbon yet or no?