Another Brick In The Wall

The other day I found myself riding behind someone wearing this jersey:

“Penis International Cycling Club?,” I thought to myself? “What’s that about?” I mean the rider did look quite penis-like in his flesh-colored jersey and smooth helmet, so it made sense thematically, but it still it seemed odd for the jersey to actually acknowledge this. After awhile though I realized it was actually a jersey from Pas Normal Studios:

I couldn’t find anything about their new P(E)N(I)S line, but they do have another line named after a technical knockout that involves seeing kaleidoscopic colors:

Presumably they want to capture the fun and excitement of a head injury:

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that cycling clothing has gone from evoking the sensuality of suffering to full-on concussions and genitalia, though it does make me pine for a simpler, more innocent time when this sort of thing was cutting edge:

It’s kaleidoscopic, but in the Señor Frog’s way, not the my-helmet-saved-my-life way. Still, if I had to choose between wearing this or wearing the Penis jersey I’d just say “Fuck it” and ride shirtless.

Speaking of changing times, I complain a lot about how everything with bikes is going electronic. I realize that this mostly just makes me sound like an old fusspot, but every so often something happens that vindicates me and my love for analog bicycles, and goddamn does it feel good:

Oh sure, you’ll still be able to unlock your bike (for now):

But “Will I be able to unlock my bike now that the company who sold it to me is bankrupt?” is a question you should never, ever have to ask yourself. Anyone celebrating the fact that electronic shifting is replacing mechanical and that you can tune your suspension setting with an app should contemplate that we now live in an age when even a bike can potentially be “bricked.” Also, this sounds convenient:

Theft-proof bolts are nothing new, and I guess the companies that make them are also liable to go out of business at any time, but you don’t need to pound on the door of a special store that’s now closed if something goes wrong with your commuter-ified Surly:

Bike companies can’t decide whether they want to copy the car companies or Apple, so they just combine the worst aspects of both. I wonder if this person also had wheel locks:

That car’s been there for awhile. I may need to spring for a pair of these and stick them under there:

By the way, if I’m critical of congestion pricing, it’s mostly because I know the city and state will almost certainly screw it up. If they really wanted to do something to rid the streets of cars, instead of spending years and years trying to get this thing up and running, they’d deal with all the low-hanging fruit they’re already empowered to deal with first. In fact it’s not even low-hanging fruit, it’s rotten apples strewn all over the ground, and we’re ankle-deep in rancid apple sauce:

A fucked-up fraudulently registered car should not be allowed to sit in a pedestrian plaza for even a minute. Not paying the meter or parking with your bumper a little too close to the hydrant is one thing, but the city should have a “the floor is lava” policy when it comes to shit like this, and if a car is sitting someplace where it doesn’t belong then get tow it the fuck out of there. Granted, I’m sure this is harder than it sounds, and I remember reading somewhere that one reason this doesn’t happen is that there are so many fucked-up cars in this city they don’t even have enough room to impound them. (Though having been towed myself in the blink of an eye many years back, I know it’s certainly something they’re more than capable of doing when they put their mind to it.)

If you really want to get rid of something then you don’t let it in, or if it’s in already in and causing trouble you get rid of it. If you’re fine with it staying as long as you get something out of it then you just hit it up for money. All I’m saying is this whole thing smells more like the latter to me.

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