Sit down! Shut up! Francis, get that chewing gum out of your ear!
Look, I know it’s nice outside and you wanna get outta here, but SETTTLE THE HELL DOWN.
Good..
Okay, now, I’m pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you’re right you’ll know it, and if you’re wrong you’ll see science.
Thanks very much for reading, and ride safe, because once you’re done with this you can go get your bike and play outside.
Love,
–Tan Tenovo
1. Electronic shifting is much better than mechanical shifting because when the battery on your electronic derailleur dies mid-race you can attempt to change it while descending at high speed, whereas mechanical shifting is so primitive it doesn’t even have batteries!
2. The good old threaded bottom bracket is finally back, only now the threads are:
3. According to one expert it takes the entire country of Ecuador nine months to produce and export the number of bananas equivalent to what the Five Boro Bike Tour uses in a single day.
[Anti-idling advocate and avid toilet flusher George Pakenham]
4. Based on the alleged success of its anti-idling program, New York City now wants to pay you to report:
- Bike lane blockers
- Citi Bike vandals
- Cyclists who run red lights
- People who don’t flush the toilet in park restrooms
[To experience the hammock just slip your hand right under the power band and initiate forceful squeezing.]
5. How do Trickstuff Standard pads start to diverge a bit from sintered Shimanos in high-intensity braking?
- There is a noticeable “hammock” in the increasing rate of bite force near the very end of the power band
- There is a wider spread of mid-power braking before the peak
- It decouples the forceful squeezing of the levers from the forceful control of the handlebars
- All of the above
6. What kind of bike did David Byrne ride to the Met Gala?
[“You have stolen my dreams and my childhood and my lugs with your empty words.”]
7. How dare you! We are in the beginning of a mass extinction. The ____________________________ are disappearing!
***Special Safety-Themed Bonus Video!***
Pretty sure I’ve shown this before but it deserves an encore. Also, I really want that jersey.