New Outside Column! Plus Bonus Topical Content!

Firstly, my latest Outside column is perhaps the most profound and insightful bit of film criticism ever written:

I realize this tremendously colorful and entertaining column may tempt you to watch the movie, and I strongly suggest you not yield to that temptation, because it’s not good and serves only as fertile soil for bike-themed satire.

Secondly, I saw it, you saw it, we all saw it–the president fell of his bicycle:

Media outlets were quick to note that he was wearing a helmet:

However, to my knowledge, none noted how stupid it was that he was using toe clips:

Wait, actually the Post did, and I admit I’m surprised they seem to be the only non-cycling outlet to do a deep dive on his bicycle.

Anyway, the job of the Secret Service as I understand it is to protect the president. Given this, it is a dereliction of duty to allow a 96 year-old man to ride a bicycle with toe clips. There is absolutely no need for foot retention when riding a bicycle in this fashion. They might as well have put him in a smock that said, “Repeal the Second Amendment!” and turned him loose in a gun range.

I mean, seriously…why?

Well, probably because the bike came with them, as someone noted on Twitter:

Not to get too political here, but when it comes to bikes this administration is a mess. First they sent Boris Johnson a glorified city edition Langster and paid revered framebuilder Stephen Bilenky a measly $1,500 for it:

By the way, that’s $1,500 in 2021 dollars, which today due to inflation can hardly buy you a quart of milk–and Lob help Bilenky if the poor guy invested it in the stock market!

Then they make the World’s Biggest Fred the “special envoy for climate:”

No matter what your feelings about climate change, I’m sure we can all agree you can automatically discount anything anybody who owns both a Serotta and a private jet has to say on the matter.

Now they lash a centenarian president’s feet to the pedals of an old hybrid and send him off to almost certain death:

I’m sure they check his car for bombs, so you’d think the least they could do was check his bike for toe clips. This has all the hallmarks of an assassination attempt. Somebody should probably interrogate the vice president.

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