The Future Is Inflatable!

Further to my last post, our government agencies may be helmet-happy, but when it comes to bicycle safety foam hats are sooo 20th century. Remember the Hodving inflatable helmet?

Obviously it took the world by storm and ended cycling-related head injuries forever. But what about the rest of your body, or at least the part of it that’s above the waist? Well, now you can pair your headbag with the Cirrus airbag jacket!

Thanks to its incredible crash-sensing technology, it goes from zero to “Where’s my EpiPen®?” in .08 seconds:

See that? His ass is barely over his tea kettle and already he’s puffed up like he’s got a peanut allergy and he just ate a Snickers:

That’s some seriously good stunt riding, by the way:

In addition to a top-notch piece of safety equipment, the Cirrus is also a glimpse into a dystopian future in which we engage in strange computer-assisted mating rituals. First, the NFC tag reader in your smartphone or wearable scans the nearest human:

Then, if it detects a match, it puffs up accordingly:

Hey, it works for the frigatebird:

Here’s the team that designed the jacket, and I have no doubt this is an accurate depiction of their work environment:

They definitely didn’t stage that at the local Apple store by bringing a few succulent plants and some office supplies they then promptly returned to Staples immediately after the shoot.

I will hand it to them though–they sure seem to do a lot more testing than the helmet companies. Here’s a crash test dummy getting doored:

Here his quite literally “hitting it from behind:”

And here he is trying to figure out what’s wrong with the windshield washer jets:

The Cirrus even has a replaceable gas canister so you don’t have to send it back to the factory when it accidentally deploys in the supermarket:

If this is anything like those home soda water makers, once the gas cartridge runs out you’ll never, ever replace it.

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