Stuck In A Rut

The temperature was in the 20s (that’s on the American Freedom Degrees™ scale, don’t @ me with your socialist Celsius claptrap), so figuring the trails would be frozen I headed out for a little off-roading:

Sadly, everyone else has been riding while it’s warm and muddy, so the trails were rutted to the point where it was disconcerting to ride them:

There’s no right or wrong way to ride a bicycle, and no cyclist can claim to reside on higher ground than another.

That said, mountain bikers are the absolute worst.

I mean come on:

We’re at the point where people cover more ground on their lawnmowers than they do on their mountain bikes:

What, no helmet?

Then, on the way home, I came across this bit of whimsical suburban road furniture:

Cute, but it didn’t work, since a driver completely failed to yield to me at the crosswalk where it was stationed:

So I took out my frustration on this deer, which I chased down and killed with my bare hands:

Just kidding!

It’s physically impossible to chase down anything faster than a box turtle on a singlespeed mountain bike.

Meanwhile, in urban news, the NYPD is giving Brooklyn cyclists a stern talking-to:

Here’s a Fred on a disc-braked Colnago receiving a pamphlet:

Presumably it’s the NYPD’s infamous “Sartorial Guide For Roadies,” and the officer no doubt stopped the rider for his egregious socks-over-tights violation:

It was for his own good.

Yes, people give you all sorts of good stuff when you ride a bike: road safety pamphlets, summonses, sex toys…

After winning the opening time trial of the 2022 Bloeizone Fryslân Tour, Ellen van Dijk (Trek-Segafredo Women) stood atop the top step of the podium, and among other prizes, was presented with a box containing a blindfold, Kama Sutra playing cards, and sex toys from EasyToys, one of the event sponsors.

Scoff if you will, but when was the last time pro cyclist sponsorship actually worked? I still have no idea what the hell Cofidis is, but you can bet I went right to the EasyToys site, where I found out they’re having a sale on masturbators:

Did you know you can also use it to mount a tubeless tire? It’s true! There’s always been lots of crossover between sex toys and bike tools. For example, without clicking the link, can you tell me if this is a chain cleaner or a vibrator?

If you answered “Yes!” then you’re correct.

Finally, in news that will thrill the sorts of people who read Streetsblog, someone on Reddit made a bike map based o the regional train map:

It’s clever, but there are many glaring omissions:

No Kissena Velodrome? No Cunningham Park??? No High Bridge?!?


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