For Immediate Release

This is to announce that Bike Snob NYC, a.k.a. RTMS, a.k.a. Tan Tenovo, semi-professional bike blogger and 99% retired Category 3 bicycle racer, is withdrawing his registration for this Saturday’s Rainey Park Cyclocross Race in Queens, NY:

Despite chronic lack of fitness and endemic lack of skill, Tenovo had registered for the Singlespeed field. However, earlier this week, he was diagnosed with peroneal tendonitis. Naturally, Tenovo is disregarding his doctor’s advice to take some time off the bike, and in fact rode to and from the appointment:

However, participating in a race that involves jumping off a bike with only a single gear ratio seems foolish even for him, especially when he’s so bad at it, and so he’s announcing his decision publicly to ensure he doesn’t do something completely stupid like change his mind and the last second.

Tenovo has competed in two previous editions of the Rainey Park race. In 2018, he finished 18th out of 24 finishers in the Singlespeed category, one lap down. The following year, he finished 40th out of 46 finishers in the Men’s Category 3 field, again one lap down–but as the first of the one-lap-down finishers he was officially the fastest of the lapped riders, which should count for something, shouldn’t it?

Here he is in 2019, probably getting lapped:

[Photo courtesy of @shatterkiss]

Before being forced to withdraw from this year’s event, Tenovo was on track to repeat his sub-mediocre results; his lack of training and practice was right on sechedule, and he had failed to prepare a bicycle for the event. As of two weeks ago he was planning on getting his Ironic Orange Julius Bike back together:

But by this week he’d lowered his ambitions to just saying “Fuck it” and grabbing his singlespeed mountain bike.

Cyclocross in New York City is a rare treat and he regrets not taking part, but his son will be taking a crack at it, so the rich tradition of inadequate preparation will carry on into the next generation.

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