Taking A Stand

Further to last Friday’s post, in which I mentioned “toxic masculinity,” a reader mentioned a Twitter thread in which someone accused cargo bike riders of it and sure enough…

Like people critiquing Pete Buttigieg’s seat height, this is yet more evidence (as if you needed it) that Bike Twitter is a gigantic Smugness Ouroboros that exists only to devour itself:

And of course as it constricts it squeezes out all the regular people in the middle who invariably decide, “Fuck it, I’m leasing a Hyundai.”

There’s nothing toxically masculine about a great deal on the all-new Elantra:

Sorry, that’s a Corolla, whatever, same difference.

Speaking of toxic masculinity, as you can see, my family exuded it over the holiday weekend:

Nothing says “compensating” like bungee-cording a pair of beach chairs to a Rivendell and heading to the park:

Anyway, if practicality and convenience now count as toxic masculinity then kickstands must be the phallic symbols with which you pledge your allegiance to the patriarchy. In addition to my Rivendells, recently I also fitted a kickstand to the “Eye Of The Tiger Bike,” but when Paul Johnson of Classic Cycle saw that my new velocipedal leaning stick was not period-correct he swiftly remedied the situation by sending me this…

…which I finally installed yesterday:

If you’re a Kickstand Fred, you know drive-side bike photography is OUT, kickstand-side bike photography is IN:

Not only does the dual-stay clamping mechanism provide lots of space for Specialized to put its logo:

But it also prevents the whole assembly from twisting under load, which did happen once with the other single-stay kickstand, though only because I had tightened it tentatively in fear that I might inadvertently crimp the frame tube. Note the clamp still leaves plenty of room to place the skewer in the aesthetically appealing northwest position:

Deployment is swift with a flick of the foot:

And imparts upon the bike a jaunty Mr. Peanut-like appearance:

Or else a cumbersome one that evokes a sprained ankle, depending on your sensibility:

Either way, demobilization is equally effortless–unless you’ve got a sprained ankle, that is, in which case it could be excruciating:

Once you embrace the simple kickstand, going without one and leaning your bike against stuff every time you get off of it seems unnecessarily difficult, like walking on a handrail instead of the pathway:

Though of course I have nothing but respect anyone who can pull it off:

Now that’s some fancy walking.

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