Pump It Up

So by now we’ve all seen the the rider in Chicago who almost got sucked into Lake Michigan:

Well I’m not surprised, since I myself remarked on the lake’s problematic behavior way back in 2012:

And that’s not the only area in which the post turned out to be prescient, for I also anticipated the return of the road bike suspension fork:


Oh sure, they’re calling them “gravel bikes” instead of road bikes now, but as Shakespeare wrote, a drop bar bike by any other name would be as Fredly.

Moving on, in my ongoing attempt to supply you with an endless stream of stuff to buy for yourself and/or others this holiday season, I’m pleased to announce that you can head over to Walz Caps and curate your own custom head covering!

Not only that, but use the discount code “BSNYC” and the bill customization portion is FREE!

Obviously I won’t tell you how to customize your own cap, but slogans with which you might want to emblazon yours include:


As for background images (yes, you can set a background image, how awesome is that?), why not consider snakeskin?

Just think how much fun you’ll have triggering the vegans.

And while we’re talking about stuff you can buy, if you glance over at the right-hand margin (or scroll down on your mobile device) you’ll see a new banner from ARGO, who offer sort of a bakfiets conversion kit that allows you to turn your useless regular bike into a wildly useful cargo bike:

Well if you’re in the EU you can now order one for 20% off, simply by using the discount code “20PercentBikeSNOB“–which, now that I think about it, should be the name of this blog since it’s about 80% less entertaining now. So just click here (or on the banner) to buy. Also, Argo offers a rain canopy for their bikes:

And all this talk of Europe and cargo bikes and rain canopies makes me nostalgic for my own trip to Amsterdam back in Two Thousand Aught Eleventeen:

During which I transported my son in precisely that fashion:

Now look at him:

This was from yesterday, when we headed to Cunningham Park in Queens–mostly for fun, but also so I could subject the HandleStash to the sort of rigorous testing for which I am famous:

What’s the HandleStash? Why, it’s “The Original Shock Absorbing Cup Holder,” that’s what! And why am I testing it? Because awhile back they asked me if I wanted to try one and I said, “Yes!,” that’s why! And why did I say, “Yes!” to trying out a handlebar-mounted beverage container? Because sometimes when we’re taking a family ride in the park my wife and I like to surreptitiously enjoy adult beverages in discreet containers, that’s why! What, does that make us bad people? No it does not!

Anyway, the HandleStash attaches to your bars with a simple quick release, which means you can easily move it to whichever bike you feel like getting drunk on at that particular moment. And while your average two-bit blogger would probably go get an artisanal coffee beverage and ride around some gentrified downtown, I grabbed a can of booze and made straight for the pump track:

And when I say “can of booze” I’m talking about the hard stuff, damn it!

Scoff if you will, but that cucumber’ll put some serious hair on your chest.

Anyway, between my pastel-hued drink, and my blue beverage holder, and my matching child’s bell, I was ready to unleash my fury upon the pump track:

Oh, wait, did I mention my Chrome handlebar purse full of bananas?

I was just a few Spokey Dokes away from being the sort of person who gets waaay too excited about Critical Mass:

Anyway, thusly equipped, I perused the pump track rules, and saw nothing about alcoholic beverages:

So with nary a thought for my own safety I let ‘er rip:

And by “let ‘er rip” I mean I rode conservatively around the pump track.

The can did not eject itself from the HandleStash, and I did not eject myself from the bicycle, so I cracked open my carbonated abomination and drank deep by way of celebration:

Then, once I’d emptied the contents of the can into my own person, I placed it on a tree stump:

Hoisted my shoe:

And brought it down upon the empty vessel:

Which had the effect of flattening it like a pie plate:

And in turn made it easy to carry until such time as I could deposit in a proper receptacle:

Next time I’ll really cut loose and try it with a beer.

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