BIKE SNOB NYC TO RETIRE FROM THE SPORT OF BICYCLE RACING
After a long and fruitless racing career, the semi-professional bike blogger known variously as “Bike Snob NYC,” “Rip Torn’s Mugshot,” and “Tan Tenovo,” has decided to retire from the sport, effective immediately.
He reached the decision earlier this morning while riding a Rivendell bicycle while wearing jorts and a t-shirt. Stopping to relieve himself in a thicket off the South County Trailway, it occurred to him that when the bike races start up again it will be very difficult to acclimate to the violent efforts necessary to stay with the group. Then it occurred to him that there’s not really any point in acclimating himself to such efforts, or in staying with the group, and that riding around in jorts and stopping to pee when you want, where you want is what riding bikes–and life in general–is all about.
This is not the first time Bike Snob NYC has stopped riding competitively. He also stopped shortly after the first of his seventeen (17) children were born. Before that, he quit racing BMX in middle school after breaking his arm; though he did mount a comeback attempt, it was short-lived due to bot fear and puberty.
Over the course of his long career, which has included road races, criteriums, cyclocross, mountain biking, and BMX, Bike Snob NYC has logged virtually no results of note, which the exception of this really big trophy he won sometime in the 1980s:
He also holds two (2) KOMs on Strava, both of which are almost certainly the result of GPS malfunction:
At present, Bike Snob NYC has not yet decided what to do with his plastic racing bicycle. While he’s briefly considered selling it in order to fund purchase of other bike parts or perhaps a used Saab, he will most likely keep it because you should always have two road bikes in case one has a flat tire. But he’s always open to offers.
Interesting trades considered.