New Outside Column!

Hey, look, I’ve got a new Outside column up!

Yes, my column has been furloughed, but I wrote this back in February and they’re only just publishing it now. Please note that if I were in charge of headlines I would not have specified 5mph, since that’s kind of like telling people not to steal $5 instead of simply telling them not to steal. I should also point out that the following paragraph is a tip-off that I composed this pre-pandemic:

Ironically, people love to cite speed cameras and motor vehicle enforcement as an Orwellian example of government overreach, but it turns out that all it took for people to willingly surrender their rights on an indefinite basis was a virus most people will fully recover from, assuming they even knew they had it in the first place.


But hey, at least there’s no traffic in our current dystopia, so you can drive as fast as you want. Just make sure you wear a mask, especially if you’re driving a convertible.

Anyway, my bloviating on the dangers of speeding is obviously worth the metaphorical paper it’s printed on, but if you want to read something that’ll really make you think about how you drive–and about cycling, and about human fragility, and about life, and about how lucky you are–go ahead and read this:

That is some very heavy shit.

Moving on, I’m currently on a serious singlespeed mountain bike spree:

I even wore my commemorative socks from the 2008 Singlespeed Cyclocross World Championships this morning, which somehow have not completely disintegrated yet:

In fact, the socks seem to have held up better than my shoes, which are of roughly the same vintage (I’m pretty sure I bought them at Mellow Johnny’s during the grand opening for a mountain bike ride that never materialized), so I guess that’s a testament to Smithwick‘s sock engineering capabilities.

And yes, 2008 was the year when I established myself as the 183rd-best singlespeed mountain bike rider IN THE WORLD:

Oh sure, that bottle opener may just be a glorified participant medal for people with tattoos:

But hey, I’ll take what I can get.

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