I try not to click on sensational headlines, I really, really don’t. But I try not to do a lot of other things, too, such as cross-chaining, drinking in the morning, and cursing at the cat. As usual, the sun’s barely up and I’ve already failed at all of those things (with the exception of the cross-chaining, though I can assure you I’ll have done that by lunch), so what the hell, I’m going to make you click on this headline too:
Here’s what happened, and I’m not sure how I missed this back in 2023, though presumably it was a rare case of my managing not to click on a lurid headline:
An Olympic cyclist whose wife died after he hit her with a car during a fight has been criticised for a social media post describing a Porsche as a “weapon”.
Last year, Rohan Dennis received a 17-month suspended sentence over a 2023 car incident which killed Melissa Hoskins – also an Olympic cyclist – outside the couple’s Adelaide home.
A court found Dennis was not criminally responsible for his wife’s death, but had disregarded her safety after he continued to drive while she clung onto the vehicle.
Maybe I wasn’t drinking that morning.*
*[Relax, I don’t really drink in the morning…except for certain holidays and very special occasions. And at airports, obviously. You’re allowed to drink at any time of day or night in an airport.]
Anyway, this happened awhile ago, and it sounds like he received a suspended sentence in 2025, but apparently he’s in the news again because of a social media post in which he refers to a Porsche as a “weapon:”
Her comments referred to two images that Dennis – who is still banned from driving – posted on his Instagram account of a newly-washed black Porsche with the caption: “What an absolute weapon”.
I figured this was just an image of people digging up innocent posts from before the incident, but then I checked and…holy crap, he made the post two days ago?!?
But it’s okay, because it’s not the Porsche, it’s just a Porsche:
It is understood the Porsche is not the same car that killed his wife.
Whew!
Also, he wasn’t driving a Porsche at the time. I looked it up, and apparently it was a Volkswagen Amarok, which I also had to look up, because we don’t have that car here in West Greenland:
Wait. It’s a pickup, and you can’t buy it here? This story just gets weirder and weirder.
Look, as I say, I really try not to get sucked into the sordid affairs of others, or revel in their misfortune. (Unless it’s someone losing their derailleur’s battery halfway through a 100-mile ride and having to complete it without shifting, I will absolutely revel in that.) Also, maybe people are misinterpreting the Porsche post–like, maybe he hates cars now, and so he was calling it a “weapon” disgustedly, like they do on Streetsblog. But still, I just had to know…how does something like this even happen, anyway?
During the case, the court heard that the pair had been arguing about kitchen renovations before Dennis got into his car to leave.
Hoskins jumped onto the bonnet and later held onto the car door as Dennis continued to drive, before falling off and getting struck by the car. She was taken to hospital and later died of her injuries.
At sentencing, Judge Ian Press said he accepted Dennis tried to “de-escalate the argument” by driving off but it did not excuse his actions to keep driving while his wife was on the car.
The judge accepted Dennis was remorseful and had a “sense of responsibility for all that occurred”.
What kind of high-stakes kitchen-related argument results in the death of a spouse? Maybe it was over whether they should go with the Waterstone Contemporary Gantry Faucet With Articulated Spout (price: $6,267.75):
Or the Waterstone Traditional Wheel Pull-Down Faucet (price: $5,904.75):
Each is arguably the Gravel Bike of Faucets, in that there’s way too much going on for what’s really a pretty straightforward business you could accomplish with something much, much simpler.
Look, I already feel ashamed of myself for having written as much about this as I have, but at least maybe we can learn something here, and if nothing else this story is an important reminder that if you have to leave in a huff you should use a bike instead of a car, and also that you should always leave any and all home renovation decisions to your wife. (It’s not sexist if it’s true.) Oh, and STAY OFF SOCIAL MEDIA, especially if you’ve been involved in someone else’s death.
Moving on, yesterday I mentioned the Platypus:
And in the step-thru spirit I’m pleased to present this month’s winner of the JBARA Award:
Also, I don’t know who the seller of this next bike is, and I typically don’t promote anonymous classifieds, especially since last time I got a reader involved in an online sale they got scammed. Nevertheless, *assuming it is legitimate*, would someone please, please buy this and take it off the market so I don’t drive up to New Paltz and buy it for myself?
Caveat emptor, do your due diligence, disclaimer disclaimer, and all that stuff. But if you can now pick up a bike like this for under $400 because the world has moved on to crabon, dick breaks, and electrical shifting, then I say bring ’em on.