Being a formerly semi-professional and now semi-retired bicycle blogger is not without its perks. For example, I have unfettered access to one of the most comprehensive bicycle museum collections in the world…even if I do often end up on bikes like this:
Also, because somehow I’m on a million schlocky PR mailing lists, I’m the first to know about exciting new product releases and marketing opportunities:
But perhaps the biggest perk is all the lube:
See, back in…I dunno, 2021 maybe?…Dumonde Tech were kind enough to send me a care package. I never thought I’d get excited about lubricants (well, bicycle lubricants, anyway), but it turns out this stuff is fantastic. In fact, the pawls on the PRJCT GRVL bike seemed to be hesitating a little bit, so I recently treated them with Dumonde freehub oil:
By the way, I couldn’t figure out which tool I needed to disassemble the freehub, until I finally discovered I didn’t need any tools at all. You just pull it apart with your hands in about five seconds like one of those multi-bit screwdrivers. Amazing.
And yes, the lube job seems to have helped.
Anyway, Dumonde recently reached out to me asking if I needed a restock, and probably because their lube is so effective and long-lasting I did not. However, I’m always thinking about YOU, my cherished readers, and so I asked if they could send me some stuff to give away to YOU, my cherished readers, which they did:
Of course now I have to figure out how to give it away, and while I’m always thinking about YOU, my cherished readers, it’s also against my personal belief system to give stuff away without getting anything in return, so let’s go ahead and do a…
Bike Snob NYC Spirit of Gravel Lube Giveaway Contest
Sponsored By: Dumonde Tech
Oh, wait, that’s going to need a logo.
Cue the AI!
Jesus.
Why can’t AI manage to spell when you GIVE IT THE FREAKING WORDS!?!
All right, never mind the logo, here’s how going to work. You will write an essay about what the Spirit of Gravel means to you, and you will email it to me using the subject line GRVL GRVL GRVL. Please include a mailing address in your submission. Want to know more? Here’s an FAQ:
How long does the essay have to be?
I really don’t care. It can be ten words, or it can be 10,000 words, though the longer it is the less likely I’ll read it. In fact, it doesn’t have to be an essay at all. It can be a picture, or a song, or an animated GIF, or a limerick, or a haiku. Just keep in mind that whatever it is, you give me permission to reproduce it on this blog, regardless of whether or not you win, though you should let me know whether you want credit or not.
What do I get if I win?
You get one (1) bottle of Dumonde chain lube and one (1) Dumonde t-shirt.
How many winners will there be?
There will be two winners because I have two bottles of lube and two t-shirts. One is size M and one is size L. (The shirts, that is.) So please specify which size you want.
The above notwithstanding, I also reserve the right to add more winners and award them stuff randomly. I’ve got a lot of stuff I don’t need and it occurs to me now this could be a good opportunity to de-clutter.
Do I have to wear the shirt while I apply the lube?
Officially yes, but if I find out you aren’t I won’t rat you out. Just try to wear some kind of shirt, lubing a chain shirtless can be dangerous.
Can I dress a salad with Dumonde chain lube?
You absolutely can, just as long as you DO NOT EAT THE SALAD.
If I do dress a salad with Dumonde chain lube and eat it anyway and get sick or die can I sue somebody?
No, you cannot. I just told you DO NOT EAT THE SALAD. What are you, stupid?
Yes, I am very stupid. I often put random stuff on my salad and eat it, which is why I have brain damage.
That’s not even a question.
Sorry.
Whatever.
How will you choose a winner? Will you look at all the submissions?
I don’t know, it depends how many come in. I’m sort of hoping the winner will just jump out at me. I didn’t start a bike blog to do work.
Can I play if I’m in a country other than the United States?
Sure, go ahead, but the harder it is for me to mail you a prize the less likely you are to win anything, and mailing stuff abroad seems like a real hassle. Remember what I just said about work?
What if I’m in Greenland?
You might have had an inside track if we had taken over Greenland, since then it would just be domestic postage, but it doesn’t look like that’s happening, which is too bad because I bet there’s some sweet gravel there.
What’s the deadline?
Let’s call it Sunday, February 8th, 2026, at exactly 11:46am Nuuk time. (GMT-2)
Which do you think is the better salad: Caesar, or Greek?
Sorry, my attorney has advised me not to answer any more salad-related question.
So there you have it. Good luck, and, uh, good luck!
Sincerely
–Tan Tenovo
