Once again “Wooded Wednesday” wasn’t particularly woody, since it had rained all morning, the ground was wet, and it’s stupid to ride around in the mud. So instead of doing what we used to call “mountain biking” I opted to ride a be-fendered bicycle on the road. However, the rain must have only fallen in the immediate vicinity of my home, because by the time I got to the city line both road and trail were as dry as you please:
Not that I regretted my decision, mind you. The Homer was my very first Rivendell, and it’s always a pleasure to ride. It’s also something of a “sleeper,” to use an annoying car enthusiast expression. With its curlicue lugs and its fenders and its grimy ad hoc drivetrain and its kickstand it gives the impression of a gentleman who’s maybe fallen on hard times recently and whose wardrobe is growing a bit threadbare. However, not only is its handling and demeanor the very definition of “poise,” but the bike is also fast–more so than you’d think to just look at it. I’m always surprised by this, although I shouldn’t be, since after all it did beat a carbon-and-titanium bicycle in a no-holds-barred time trial.
And yet as fast as it is, rim brakes somehow manage to slow it down, even though everybody knows you should only ride bikes with dick breaks:
Two sentences in and I was already angry:
Modern bicycle disc brakes are marvels of engineering, with hundreds of parts working in harmony to slow your bike down in a controlled way.
They’re so good that it’s rare to have leaks, breakages or failures that aren’t the result of a crash or some kind of damage.
BOO! “Marvels of engineering,” really? This is a marvel of engineering:
This is a thing that squeezes another thing:
And as soon as it’s a little wet outside all these “marvels of engineering” start howling like wolves and barking like seals.
It’s quite telling that the best thing he can say about them is that it’s “rare to have leaks.” So basically it’s right up there with a diaper. Meanwhile, I’m still waiting for any of my rim brakes to leak. (For that matter, I’m also waiting for my mechanical disc brakes to leak.)
As for the disc brake features he’d avoid, I couldn’t be bothered, but here are the ones I’d avoid myself:
Calipers Mounted In The Vicinity Of The Hub
- Ugly
- Unnecessarily heavy
- Unnecessarily complicated
- Slows wheel changes
- Ugly
Braking Surfaces Mounted To The Hub
- Ugly
- Unnecessarily heavy
- Unnecessarily complicated
- Slows wheel changes
- Ugly
Fluids
- Icky
- Annoying
- Leaky
- Icky
None of this is to say I’m against disc brakes, mind you. In fact I think they’re the ideal solution for stopping your bicycle, and that you should use them exclusively. However, if you’re looking for a disc brake, you should focus on fluid-free systems that locate the caliper at the outer edge of the wheel and incorporate the braking surface into the rim:
It’s lightweight, effective, simple, and elegant.
Oh yeah, and quiet!
And no, tire clearance is not a problem:
Stops a bike with a just a few simple parts instead of “hundreds?” Now that’s a marvel of engineering!
Speaking of fluid, you do know that Jobst Brandt invented the tubeless tire in 1976, right?
“When I was riding my last Clement tubulars, that had poor stitch protectors that caused many pin hole leaks, my tires kept going flat. Knowing about the ability of the butterfat in milk to plug such holes, I poured a few ounces of milk, from a dairy on the Klausen pass in Switzerland, into my tire pump and pumped it into my tires. This solved my problem, but a few weeks later, back home, while riding to Santa Cruz with a bunch of bikies sitting on my wheel, I had a rear blowout and sprayed them with putrid milk, while I had a hard time controlling the bike as it slid around on the flat tubular like ice.”–Jobst Brandt
In 2009 I predicted Jobst Brandt would be the next hipster cyclist icon, and by golly I was right, because he’s now known as the “Godfather of Gravel:”
I only hope one day people call me the Godfather of Complaining.