You know when a media embargo is finally lifted and all of a sudden everywhere you look you see yet another article about YET ANOTHER GODDAMN GRAVEL BIKE?!?
Behold, the Future of Gravel Bikes…the Mountain Bike!
Trek Bicycles has its finger on the pulse when it comes to gravel trends, and with the launch of the new Trek CheckOUT, the brand has given the world a modern, full-suspension gravel bike that has been in development for years. The inspiration for this bike is to explore the potential of gravel bikes and pay homage to those who love to ‘underbike’ on singletrack. From that budding inspiration came years of progress to develop a bike platform that few brands have ever attempted with success. But how did they crack the code?
Oh for chrissakes. “Crack the code?!?” Here’s the code:
- Make mountain bikes increasingly complicated until they no longer even resemble bicycles
- Refer to riding anything that’s not this year’s mountain bike on anything that’s not a paved road “underbiking”
- Invent a new kind of bicycle called a “gravel bike” that’s really just a mountain bike from a few years ago
- “Right size” your company by 10% (right-sizing is the corporate equivalent of underbiking)
- Profit! (Or at least stay in business)
I mean why does the entire cycling media go along with the idea that this bike is somehow a new thing? Send them a banana with a media embargo on it, call it an apple, and these people wouldn’t miss a beat. “They cracked the code! These are the yellowest apples I’ve ever seen!”
Plus they’re easier to carry in a jersey pocket (or gravel jersey nipple pocket), and thanks to proprietary TFPT (“Tool-Free Peeling Technology”) you no longer have to carry that unwieldy multitool everywhere!
Yes, these oblong yellow “gravel apples” are going to be the new standard going forward. It’s a revolution!
Meanwhile, the other big bike news is the US ban on imports from Giant:
Shockingly, it sounds like giant bicycle company Giant may not be coddling its workforce:
Giant, the world’s largest bike manufacturer, on Thursday warned of delays to shipments to the United States after American customs officials announced a surprise ban on imports over unspecified forced labor accusations.
US Customs and Border Protection (CBP) issued an order on Wednesday to detain Giant bikes, their parts, and accessories manufactured in Taiwan following an investigation into the bike-making powerhouse that found indicators of forced labor.
This has been particularly tough on politically correct cyclists who are torn between protesting corporate meanies like Giant and Specialized…
…and protesting the current administration. If only the other candidate had won and were currently in office, the people who leave comments on bike websites would be delighted, but instead they seem to have settled on the explanation that this is just another ploy in the whole tariff negotiation thing…which does seem likely, though it’s also been in the air for awhile:
Apparently workers at Giant are charged “monthly service fees” for which they don’t receive any service, just like the one on your cell phone plan, and your cable plan, and your bank account, and…
Yet all Giant interviewees, recruited between 2017 and 2024, said that — besides the up-front recruitment fees — they are continuously charged a monthly service fee by Taiwanese labour brokers, though no one felt they receive any service in return. The fee equals two months’ base wage per three-year contract and is legal in Taiwan. The fee is deducted by Giant and shown on workers’ payslips…
Some interviewees complained about crowded and dirty dorms. Photos shared with my team show up to 20 beds in narrow rooms. Some told us about punitive management practices including deportation, threats of deportation, and pay reductions for not obeying workplace or dorm rules. Others spoke of a points system with zero points might result in immediate deportation.
But yes, that three-year contract sounds bad…almost as bad as what happens in America, where for four years or more young adults (or, more accurately, their parents) pay an annual service fee of $60,000 and up to live in dirty dorms awash in drugs and receive no wages whatsoever, only to receive a useless degree in “Gender and Sexuality Studies:”
Objectively speaking, it is a far, far better economic proposition to hand your child over to a Taiwanese labor broker than to Bard College. Not only do they still get paid something after all the middlemen take their cut, but they actually learn a skill:
And I’m willing to bet Giant factory housing is more sanitary than a shared apartment in Ridgewood.
But yes, it’s increasingly difficult to shop responsibly these days. Sure, you could get an MBA in Sustainability in order to learn how, but that will cost your parents at least another $120,000 on top of what they already paid for your Gender and Sexuality degree. That’s why I think the bicycle industry needs to adopt an ethical manufacturing labeling system immediately. Only the most ethical bicycles would get to wear the Happy Face:
Such as those made here in America by artisans who only work when they feel like it:
While the worst bikes and products would be required to display the Frowny Face of Shame in a highly visible location:
This would include Giant bicycles, Specialized accessories from that factory in El Salvador, and of course anything with a battery:
Good thing bicycles don’t need batteries, right?
Right…?