Hi, I’m back.
It was hot where I was last week, and while I didn’t do any riding, I did warm my cockles as well as various other parts of my body:
As I mentioned not too long ago, I’ve had it about up to my cockles with the winter already. So while I was pleased to get back on the bike, returning home to the cold felt like getting the finger from the parole board and being marched back to my cell. Moreover, because I’d been away, I wasn’t up on which paths were clear and which ones weren’t, and I crashed on a patch of ice almost immediately:
I really thought I could make it across.
It was one of those handlebar twisters, too:
But a few turns of the Allen key and I had Humpty Dumpty back together again:
As for the rider, he sustained minor contusions to his upper and lower extremities as well as abrasions to his pride.
The dirt trail was also fully glaciated and consequently unrideable, so I couldn’t even seek solace and shelter in the trees:
Clearly in my absence all the snow had melted and quickly frozen again, so I was relegated to the roads.
But on the bright side, I did at least incur some scuffage on my bar tape:
What, didn’t you know? Visible wear is the hottest thing in cycling right now–even cooler than tanwall tires and boutique bike luggage! Indeed, a reader recently informed me you can now buy pedals with a special finish designed to wear more quickly:
See, I didn’t scuff my bar tape, I “etched history” into it, thus infusing it with “a new sense of value and attachment,” like you see with this lightly used crank:
And now you can give your pedals a similar veneer of authenticity without having to do all that pesky riding:
The look is inspired by a vintage camera, because of course it is:
But what about the rest of your bike? How do you quickly infuse it with a sense of value and history that matches your pedals? Well, until someone comes out with a complete bicycle that looks like it’s 10 years old after three short rides you can always pay Ultraromance to build a bike for you:
Just as I have no problem with Path Less Pedaled guy charging for his “bike whisperer” service, I also have no problem with Ultraromance charging for “highly curated” bicycle assembly. In fact, if people are paying him to find parts for them on eBay then he’s an even bigger marketing genius than I thought–though I do feel compelled to warn his customers that this is an extremely uncool way to obtain a vintage bike part. See, here’s how it works:
Official Vintage Bike Part Pedigree Coolness Hierarchy
1. Owning the part yourself since it was new
2. Receiving the part directly from someone who has used it since it was new, either gratis or as part of a barter
3. Finding the part in an unlikely place and purchasing it at an unbelievable price (E.g. buying a pair of Delta brakes at a stoop sale for seven bucks)
…
468: Buying it on eBay
469: Paying someone else to buy it for you on eBay
Hey, sorry, I don’t make the rules. I’m also not claiming to be cool myself–far from it. Most of my cool vintage bike stuff over the years has been spoonfed to me by Classic Cycle:
And even then the coolness is sometimes debatable:
Let he who is without vintage part supplier cast the first RD-M950.