Breaking news of the obvious! The sky is blue, water is wet, gravel is trendy, and bike reviews are useless:
That’s right, it’s all marketing, you heard it here first.
Moving on, the term “intellectual powerhouse” gets bandied about a lot these days, but some people deserve the label, and I happen to be one of them. Not only have I published doctorate-level dissertations on cycling and cinema, but I’m also easily the keenest mind working today in the burgeoning field of bicycle economics, and the PistaDex alone warrants a Nobel Prize in Economic Sciences. I mean come on, they even gave that old windbag Paul Krugman one of those, and he’s the answer to the question, “What would happen if a 1998 Cannondale H700 bicycle took human form?”
All of this is to let you know that I’ve discovered a new financial instrument, and one that may prove to hold its value over time just as well as the Chris King headset. And how are those doing, by the way? Well here’s where the Chris King Headset Composite Index was back in 2008:
And here it is today:
Even if you don’t include the chartbusting vintage model it’s at about 103, which is almost a 54% increase. Meanwhile, two seconds of typing into a popular search engine reveals that cumulative inflation over that same period of time was about 40%, so an investment in Chris King headsets puts you well ahead of that–and let’s not forget this is a security that experiences very little in the way of volatility. Sure, you’re not approaching the rate of return you’d get from, say, investing in the S&P 500. (In that case over the same time frame you’re looking at a cumulative return of over 200%.) Still, for the risk-averse investor, Chris King headsets remain one of the best places to park your money over the long term. It’s like riding the landscape of financial uncertainty on some overpriced boutique supple tires.
In any case, as a savvy investor I’m always looking to diversify, and for my money I must say vintage Salsa stems are starting to look like a sure thing:
Presumably they’re just the thing for people who weren’t even born yet when QBP bought Salsa to show how authentic they are by putting them on their Crusts:
Open-face models appear to command a small premium:
And even the threadless models carry a heft price tag:
Especially if it’s in an unusual size and appears highly aroused:
Granted, it’s risky to buy unusual-sized stems in the hope that someone may need it down the line, though the way the bike industry introduces and then abandons “standards” it’s a highly tempting investment tactic:
It was the future, too…for about three years:
The manner in which certain publications will look at something so obviously pointless and then ask with a straight face, “Is this the future?,” is one of the most offensive things in the cycling world. The again, I am easily offended, and lately I’ve been troubled by the increasingly popular term “underbiking.” Oh, sure, on the surface it’s harmless enough–a handy tongue-in-cheek way of describing the act of riding a bike on terrain more challenging than that for which it was designed:
Of course it’s all in good fun, and like any fun idea in cycling it even has its own ironic world championships:
Nevertheless, I cringe whenever I see it, because only in a milieu as bloated with unnecessary tech as cycling could consider any of this stuff be considered “underbiking.” It’s like going for a dip in the ocean and calling it “underswimming” because you’re not using SCUBA gear. Oh sure, go ahead and wave it off, but I am officially banishing this pernicious term from my lexicon, because we’re ten years away at most from “underbiking” referring to any ride undertaken without motorized assistance:
[I really hope head-to-head means ghost-ridden into each other.]
You heard it here first, etc.