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Never Trust Anything That’s Too Clean

This past Saturday was springlike, but winter fought back on Sunday with cold and even a little snow, and so I stuck to my side of the river: And to a more voluminously-tired bicycle with flat pedals: Though I'm sorry to report I was forced to dispense with the Brooks Cambium saddle, which was one... Continue Reading →

My Race Is Run

In these turbulent times the headlines may be frightening, but sometimes regime change is exactly what the world needs: With the old mayo finally toppled and a new recipe recipe taking its place I look forward to a new era of peace and prosperity in the Kingdom of Burgers. Meanwhile, ice still sits atop the... Continue Reading →

E-Assist: Classist or Ass-ist?

Contrary to popular belief, the whiniest of all cyclists is not the mountain biker: [A disconcerting image of an irate mountain biker generated for an earlier post using Artificial Intelligence, which for some reason saw it fit to give him an extra row of teeth] Oh sure, the idea of having to pedal up a... Continue Reading →

Flipping Your Lid

Further to yesterday's post, your cycling superiors, who have been testing bikes for 25 years and know much more than you do, have abandoned the laughably obsolete saddle pack in favor of the clearly-superior-in-every-way downtube storage compartment: It hardly bears repeating at this point that if you're not riding a plastic bike with a glove... Continue Reading →

The Elephant Trunk Skid In The Room

If you're new to bikes, the world of cycling can be intimidating. Which equipment should I choose? What clothes should I wear? How should I set up my bike, and where should I ride it? It's enough to make you declare, "Fuck cycling, I'm taking a bath:" Fortunately, the cycling media is full of experts,... Continue Reading →

700c-650b+32=$$$

Good morning. Ahem. [Removes slip of paper from pants pocket, unfurls...] Last week in the spirit of Jest, I curated a gravel contest. The entries poured in, But which one should win? I cannot decide which is best. Yeah, pretty bad, sorry. But what do you want from me? I never said I was a... Continue Reading →

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