On Wednesday I mentioned Jeremy Vine so I figured I’d check in on what the old boy’s been up to, and I was not at all surprised to learn that he remains aggrieved:
Now I should point out that as an American I know absolutely nothing about Jeremy Vine’s broadcasting career; I only know about his bicycling exploits. So any comments I make about him are entirely in this context. Also, I believe that when bicycling, people should feel free to clothe themselves any way they choose, and I myself veer from “normal” street clothing to full suits of stretchy technical garments–sometimes in the same day! At the same time, I can’t help asking…why the hell can’t this guy just dress normal while he’s riding around London for chrissakes?
That’s fine if you want to dress like a SCUBA diver who’s gloved up to administer a prostate exam, but he’s a public figure, and this getup reflects poorly on all of us. I realize the helmet cam or whatever he uses distorts things considerably, and maybe is just wearing relatively normal clothes and it only looks weird because of the device he’s using. But either way, whether it means tweaking his wardrobe or his lens, if he could present himself less freakishly and more proportionately I think it would go a long way towards earning both himself and the rest of us a little more respect.
Superficial matters aside, this time Vine’s problem seems to be the bike lane on the Westminster Bridge, which appears to be the equivalent of the Brooklyn Bridge bike path in that it’s full of tourists:
Of course, New York City actually solved the problem of tourist/bicyclists conflicts on the Brooklyn Bridge by giving the path and all its panoramic views completely over to the tourists and giving the bicyclists a totally separate and non-scenic path on the roadway:
If I sound bitter or cynical about this I’m not at all–this is a very good and pragmatic solution, even if advocates act like it’s an unmitigated disaster because sometimes there’s a puddle in it:
Two ways to look at this:
— Bike Snob NYC (@bikesnobnyc) October 17, 2022
1) The city has failed you, bicyclists should never have to encounter water
OR
2) When it rains it gets wet so use fenders
*shrug*https://t.co/rlDNSAysYr
But I gather London has not implemented a similar solution and so Mr. Vine must stop repeatedly as he makes his way across the span.
To his credit, he is very polite and considerate, unlike that COMPLETE ASSHOLE on the Brooklyn Bridge who used to make videos of himself singing loudly and once hit a little girl. But to the tourists’ credit they’re also quite considerate, because they eventually do move, and would you move for this? I’m not sure that I would:
He looks like he’s on his way to Lugash to steal the Pink Panther:
Strangely, Vine also notes that the pedestrians are “mostly not from this country,” which in these overly sensitive times one might attempt to interpret as some form of xenophobia. I am not overly sensitive, nor do I think he meant anything negative by it, though I do think it’s ironic he feels compelled to point out they’re mostly not from this country when he looks like he’s mostly not from this planet:
I do however take issue with his characterization of one tourist as a “rude American:”
His crime? Asking, “Where are you from?” and not liking his hot dog:
Except in the case of Don Rickles when “Where are you from?” was immediately followed by a slew of ethnic jokes, asking this question is simply polite discourse in America. Also, “What kind of hotdog is this?” is a fair question, since British cuisine is indeed deeply vexing. I remember the first time I visited London maybe 30 years ago and saw that they put corn on their pizza. I found this shocking–even more so than pineapple, which is a popular pizza topping in certain cultural backwaters here in Canada’s bum bag–and so “What kind of pizza is this?” would have been a perfectly reasonable question for me to ask. As it happens, I didn’t ask it, but I did order a slice using standard New York food-ordering protocol, which is to say: “Lemme get [insert food item here].” (This may sound brusque, but it’s all in the delivery.) To my surprise, the person waiting behind me found this offensive and lectured me for being rude. I suppose this is the main difference between our two countries: they think it’s rude not to say “please” and “thank you” gratuitously, and we think it’s rude not to mind your own business, though I guess we take people minding their own business for granted over here because if you don’t you stand a pretty good chance of being shot.
So cut the American tourist some slack, is all I’m saying. He’s clearly a giant doofus, but I don’t think he was being rude.
Also he might shoot you.
All of this is to say none of this really struck me as a “circus” that “defies description,” and my impression didn’t change when the driver of a Range Rover actually stops for him:
The idea of a Range Rover driver stopping for a bicyclist in New York City is completely unthinkable.
Nevertheless, as Vine ends his journey, he concludes, “This cycle lane scares the living daylights out of me.”
The feeling is mutual, weird Space Man.
You want scary? Ping me when this happens:
Someone must have had a bad hot dog.