As I’ve mentioned…somewhere, one reason I’d like to simplify my bicycle situation is that I’m officially the Classic Cycle Old Crap Test Pilot, and I must have sufficient room to store any Old Crap that comes my way for testing. Sure, getting rid of a bike is like killing off a favorite sitcom character, but it’s arguably worth it if that means you can replace them with a rotating series of guest stars, like this one:
I recently set out for my last ride upon this bike before returning it to Classic Cycle, and upon notifying Paul I’d be returning it to him he advised me to peel off the white tape on the downtube before doing so:
I’d noticed the tape when first assembling it, but since it was a pro race bike I just figured maybe it covered another rider’s name or some sponsor that withdrew their support mid-season or something like that:
In fact, what it had been concealing was a black hole of compromised crabon:
As the Old Crap Test Pilot, I’m well aware that risk is the name of the game, and I’d never have accepted this important mission if I weren’t prepared to assume my fair share. Over the years I’ve ridden century-old bikes shod with decaying rubber, flirted with disconcertingly noodly titanium, and braved the Swiss Alps on 36-year old crabon with nothing to stop me but a pair of Delta brakes. So what’s a little scratch gouge after all that?
Oh sure, I could choose to be indignant that Paul had knowingly concealed this from me:
But I should know better by now, and like Cato attacking Inspector Clouseau, as someone who actively courts danger I should be grateful that he is keeping me on my toes.
Speaking of both risk and reducing my number of bicycles, recently I sold one of bikes, and since the buyer was in Brooklyn and I commute to Brooklyn, yesterday I commuted to Brooklyn on the bicycle I sold in order to deliver it to the buyer who bought it. (Whew!) Anyway, as far as risk goes, you’d just assume the bike is the riskier option and the train is the safer one, but it doesn’t always work out that way in this town, and I sure wished I still had that bike when it was time to go home that evening, because the train I usually take was out of commission:
Here’s what happened:
Urbanists were outraged, of course:
Now, I have no doubt there’s a surfeit of incompetence at the MTA and NYC Transit. At the same time, why is none of this outrage directed at the fucking asshole who disabled the train in the first place? When you vandalize a fucking subway car, chaos ensues, and chaos by its very nature is not tidily resolved. It’s a strange relationship the urbanists have with the MTA: it’s criminally bloated and wildly inefficient, and yet if you question the wisdom of, say, instituting a congestion pricing scheme in order to give them even more money, the urbanists will treat you like an apostate. (They’ll also get very angry if you point out that a big part of the problem is that people don’t behave themselves when using the transit system.) Meanwhile, some fuckwit pull the brakes on a train, which isn’t the workers’ fault at all, and some rich guy who writes about the subway for fun is ready to throw everyone who tried to get the system moving again under the bus. (Yes, that’s a cliché, but it’s a transit cliché, so it’s okay.)
It’s almost as arrogant and entitled as having a bike blog and making fun off all the hardworking people whose livelihoods depend on making and selling bikes.
And yet Twitter persists in torturing me and serving me urbanist Tweets like this one:
I don’t know if “Phil Walkable,” who according to his Twitter bio lives in one of the wealthiest ZIP codes in New York State, is in fact familiar with Valley Stream, or if he just looks at G**gle maps and picks out places that don’t look urban enough to him. However, I grew up not too far from there, and it seems like an odd target for his contempt. Valley Stream has the roughly the population density of Copenhagen, a city that gives urbanists huge boners, is in no way a bastion of wealth and ostentation, and like many railroad suburbs in New York is quite [wait for it] walkable. Also, not only was Valley Stream the home of Slipped Disc Records, to which I used to ride my bike and take the train regularly, but it’s also the childhood home of one Steve Buscemi:
So as someone familiar with the area it just seems weird to say that the reason housing is so expensive in New York City is that Valley Stream has a park next to its really convenient train station.
Then again, I guess we all go through phases where we think we can understand the world by looking at maps, or that we’re financial geniuses because we figure out cars cost money:
Can a car suck you dry? Absolutely. (Remember, I once owned a Saab.) Is there much to be gained by relinquishing car dependency? Sure. At the same time, life is not remotely as simple as, “If only you didn’t spend money on [X] you’d be rich!” This is because what often happens is that when you no longer have to spend money on [X] you just spend it on [Y] and [Z] instead. You don’t instantly become a frugal person who makes astute financial decisions:
Also, I’m old enough to remember when people would get indignant when old scolds would shame poor people for buying iPhones or Air Jordans or whatever. Is it really that different to say that people aren’t millionaires because they’re too stupid to give up their cars?
I dunno. But I do know I rode the Jones today:
Do you know that if I sold the Jones and all my other bikes and made a really shrewd investment with the money I’d retire as a multimillionaire?
Maybe I could finally buy that mansion in Valley Stream.